As I sit here to write this post I am not entirely sure what I am going to say. All I know is that I was a part of something special tonight. Over 400 leaders came together at Grace Church to eat, hang out and worship with a little bit of vision casting and encouragement just for kicks. I was amazed at how many people are shouldering responsibility in our church and how many people are committed first to spreading the gospel and second to bearing the burdens, hardships, joys and daily life of so many other people. Sharing your life with someone is difficult, but I think it is equally difficult to have someone share their life with you. There is a responsibility and weight that is assumed once a life is shared. One of my professors told me that in China there are instances where individuals will not help someone who is hurt on the street because it means entering into relationship with them and that carries tremendous responsibility and weight and they do not want to enter into a relationship that they cannot fulfill. While I think this is an extreme example, it emphasizes the burden that we must have for those we care about.

Hopefully, this burden turns us to the cross and weighs us down with the magnitude of the burden that Jesus carried, but also frees us and gives us hope in the power of Jesus to carry those burdens that are too great to bear. I think I experienced a little bit of that hope, awe and something indescribable tonight during the musical time of worship. I cannot say that this time was emotional, although it was, but the primary adjectives that I would use to describe it are worshipful, hopeful, beautiful. I know that it sounds trite, but something powerful was going on in that room tonight that was beyond emotion and I can only imagine is a small glimpse into the worship that we will engage in heaven. I wish I could better describe what was going on, but there are truly no words to capture what it looks like to see 400 people wholly engaged in adoration and praise. To those of you who have not experienced the all-consuming (I better understand this attribute now) nature of God, it probably sounds like I am part of a cult. And to an extent, you would be right, but that does not capture the essence of a life lived for God.

In talking afterwards tonight with L, I am convinced that I am in a temporary season of life. To some of you this may seem obvious, but the last 2 years of my life have been blissfully easy. I say this not in a cavalier way, but in recognition that God has spared me many hardships and blessed me in ways that I could never have dreamed of; it looks and feels like God has fit every puzzle piece together perfectly without me doing anything. However, as my mom has already told me, with this blessing I have a responsibility to praise God in the moment, but also praise Him and serve Him even when times are difficult and recognize that times will be difficult. period.

In part, I shudder to think about what is coming because I recognize how richly I have been blessed. In my perfect world I would be able to stay at Grace and be poured into and grow and serve and love and live an “easy” life, but it is clear to me now that is not what God has planned. I don’t know why I am writing this on the blog and I may edit this before posting, but I sense that there are bigger things at work in my life on the horizon that I cannot grasp yet. I guess all of this is to say, please pray for me. Pray for wisdom to do God’s will, willingness to let go of things that I am holding too closely, softening of my heart to what God wants, not what I desire. Once again, I feel like I have rambled and have probably shared too much. Good thing there are about 4 people who read this blog and at least half are family.


4 thoughts on “Indescribable

  1. Wow!! Praise the Lord. All of us experience good times and bad times, Not more good or bad in Christ or apart from Him, but much better to go through the hard times (and the good times) with Him than without him. Count it ALL blessing and lean on Him.

    Powerful group worship is a most uplifting experience that truly is indescribable. It is reinforcement that the body of Christ depends on Him and each other to grow in Grace and understanding. What a great blessing! Encouragement not to forsake the gathering of believers.

  2. I can relate to what you’re feeling. It’s like being on the climb of a roller coaster. You can’t see where you’re headed, but you know it’s all about to change, and probably very fast. It’s easy to want to hang on to the comforts, but you’re right, we need to cling to God instead.

    One of my tendencies when I feel change coming is to withdraw and not be attached to anyone or anything. My college pastor said something years ago that changed how I approached a changing lifestyle. He said we need to be temporarily permanent and not permanently temporary. Give God everything you have to serve Him here, now. Let Him handle the changes. I’m looking forward to seeing what He does in your life.

    • Thanks Cristin, you are so right. When I feel that my life is in flux I don’t want to reach out and form meaningful relationships because I fear that it will be too painful to end them. I love the idea of being temporarily permanent, not permanently temporary. Thank you!

  3. Pingback: Postgrad life continued in 2012 « justaylored

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s