Hey y’all, as you’ve probably noticed I have been absent from this blog for a while. I started writing as an experiment to see if I enjoyed it-and I did. Unfortunately, this experiment came head to head with my real life and all of a sudden my thoughts were too dark and confused to put on a blog. I needed to sort through my thoughts before I could put them on the internet for the world to read. I appreciate all of y’all who have encouraged me to write on this blog again. Your kind words have meant more than you know.
Truth be told, writing on this blog scares me more than any other writing I do. On this blog, I’m not anonymous, I don’t have a title to back me up, and my emotions are in full view. I can easily write about the good times, the times that I want to remember. More difficult though, are the hard times, the dark times, the times I’d often rather forget.
In the past 18 months there have been many moments I’d rather forget. The lessons I’ve learned have come at a price. I’m not entirely sure the full price, but I do know I’ve had to give up a part of me to become who I am today. It has been painful, lonely, dizzying, and disconcerting. This being said, I can finally echo the words spoken to me in the darkness by a dear friend and say, “It’s worth it.”
The times I’ve cried in sadness, anger, confusion, and weariness were worth every tear. The rest I feel today, though preceded by many sleepless nights, is a deeper rest than I’ve ever know. Though I would not choose this journey, having come out on the other side I would not change it.
I realize I am being incredibly vague. I’m still sorting through what I need to share and what I want to share, but over the next few months I will share more about this journey I’ve been on. I hope you’ll join me.