24 Things to Do Instead of Getting Married Before You’re 24, a response

Get lost in a city where you don't speak the language.

Get lost in a city where you don’t speak the language.

I recently read this article titled, “23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23”. Normally, I don’t read these as they are usually written in an in-your-face-I-can-do-what-I-want tone. For whatever reason, I read this article, perhaps because I am 24 and not married and I was curious as to why 23 was the magic number. Unfortunately, the article is pretty much the same, lame advice for twenty-somethings, written by twenty-somethings whose sum total of advice is “17. Eat a Jar of Nutella is one sitting.” I didn’t think much about it until I saw at least 3 people repost it on Facebook.

I don’t know about you, but if the highlight of my life (outside of marriage???) before I’m 23 is to eat a jar of Nutella or “22. Be selfish” then I think marriage to anyone sounds pretty good.

My goal for life as a single or married should not be “22. Be selfish,” “2. Find your ‘thing’,” or “10. Cut your hair.” If any of those are my goals for an hour, day, or a year then my life is going to be very empty. However, the emptiness is not because I don’t have anyone to “cuddle and talk about my feelings” or “18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.” With or without a partner, my life has greater meaning than this entire list.

I am created to worship. I will worship, whether I worship marriage, a boyfriend, Nutella, or the Creator of the Universe is up to me. Instead of purposing myself to “16. Watch GiRLS. Over and over again” maybe the secret to happiness with or without someone is to die to myself. Over and over again. Maybe instead of “11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.” I can sponsor 2 orphaned children so they’re not separated from their families. Instead of “20. Hangout naked in front of a window.” I can hang out for an hour a week mentoring an at-risk child.

I think this author has a point that some people get married because it’s the thing to do, societal expectations, or whatever crazy reason:

It is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce.

Yes, the world is big and scary. Yes, it is nice to have someone to share your dreams, fears, and life. Yes, it is wrong to get married only because you’re afraid of being single. But the (opposite?) healthy response is not to become an expert on all things GIRLS or to belittle those who choose to marry young – their journey will be different, but no less in need of purpose than the person who remains single. Married or single, we all need a life of purpose outside of ourselves.

The crux of the argument centers on the idea that “you owe it to yourself”…to find yourself, make out with a stranger, not ruin the sanctity of marriage by marrying young, to do whatever you want because you want to do it. I don’t know where we got the idea that we owe ourselves anything. We literally did nothing to be on this earth. For the first years of our lives we were completely helpless. In fact, we’re still pretty helpless and dependent on others for life or even just to breathe. Case in point, let’s all give a shout-out to the Ozone for remaining in tact (mostly) so we don’t fry to death today. Also, does anyone else get annoyed with constantly reminding your heart to keep beating? I mean, really, 100,000 beats per day – too bad our hearts don’t beat without us thinking about it. Oh wait.

Instead of finding ourselves, thinking that “Millennials deserve the opportunity to develop ourselves, alone,” perhaps we should think and develop outside of ourselves and ponder deep questions – like who created us and this world we live in. What privilege do we have that we can take time to find ourselves while 12 year old girls in Afghanistan are being forced to marry middle age men and find themselves enduring a lifetime of abuse and suffering?

I understand the impulse to have fun, enjoy life while free of many responsibilities that occur in a relationship, but fun can and should be had after marriage too. Responsibility can and should occur in all of life. Unfortunately, you cannot compare a lifetime covenant of marriage to “13. Accomplish a Pintrerest project.” You can, however, live a fulfilling, purposeful, fun life in any stage of life.

Instead, I propose my own list of 24 Things to do Instead of Getting Married by 24…

1. Sponsor a Child for a year

2. Read at least 3 NY Times articles every week

3. Take your parents out for a fancy (non-fast food) meal

4. Work hard at a job – any job

5. Travel to a new country

6. Travel to a new state

7. Read a classical fiction novel

8. Teach someone a new skill you have already mastered

9. Learn a new skill

10. Learn a new language

11. Pay off debt

12. Read the Bible in a year

13. Be selfless

14. Join a sports league, art club, orchestra, whatever you’re interested in.

15. Write a letter to a friend

16. Learn how to properly set a table

17. Stop taking bathroom selfies

18. Vote – local, state, or national election

19. Embark on a goal that will take at least 10 years to accomplish

20. Hand write a thank-you note

21. Buy a nice dress or tux/suit for weddings and funerals

22. Re-read a favorite book

23. Spend a day in the mountains alone

and last, but not least…

24. Make a friend and share a jar of Nutella with them – one sitting or otherwise


379 thoughts on “24 Things to Do Instead of Getting Married Before You’re 24, a response

  1. Reblogged this on A Clockwork Lion and commented:
    I hadn’t read the original article that this is a response to, but I wholeheartedly applaud the sentiments that Taylor describes here. The aim of life isn’t to irresponsibly have fun, it is to find meaning, purpose, and joy in each of those things. I respect this list deeply, because it’s composed of things that would broaden anyone’s horizons and force them to act in ways that push their human potential to new places. Props, Taylor 🙂

  2. The point of the first blog “23 things to do instead of getting married before 23” was to inspire women.
    I think a lot of women my age feel like it’s an obligation. I know that I log into Facebook and see marriages happening left and right and then I start to wonder if I’m behind in life! Haha but it’s just a different life choice and not being in a serious relationship works better for me personally. She didn’t post this to offend anyone who has chosen this absolutely beautiful/rewarding path (I will head down it, one day).

    However, I feel like your post was to create a “better, more superior” To-Do list, in which case you completely missed the mark of the original post. The original To Do list was just for inspiration! And I agree with you that we should be serving a higher purpose, but your post came off a little slanderous.

    • The point of the first blog “23 things to do instead of getting married before 23” was totally lost when the author filled the post with meaningless, nonsensical, and hurtful “to-do’s”. The bottom line was that the first article was written slamming young couples getting married, and all it did was encourage young girls to go out and be irresponsible.

      • Yes, I 100% agree with @Menefelc, her post is why there are so many teen moms today, because girls under 23 would rather “experiment with sex” than get married. I’m soon to be 23 and I’m also nearing my 2 year anniversary with my husband. Reading that article was 10 billion times more insulting than Taylor’s.
        When I was in highschool I told myself that I will be going to get my masters in Social Work and I wouldn’t get married until I was 25. Little did I know that right before my senior year I would’ve met my one true love. After high school, I went to college for social work and realized that its not something I fully love. So I looked back at my passion which is photography.
        Today, by the grace of God I am a mother to a beautiful 4 month old, a wife to a wonderful husband and the owner to a striving photography business.
        Was it because I got married before 23? No its because I was raised with better standards then to “kiss a stranger” or “date two people at the same time”. I knew what will be the better road for my life and I took it.
        If I had the chance to go back in time my senior year and not talk to my now husband, in order to live a more “adventurous” life, I wouldn’t change a thing.

  3. Props. I am thoroughly impressed. Your Biblical, balanced, and constructive response is exactly what our world needs- More young men and women who will boldly step up and proclaim the truths given us. Have a blessed 2014.

  4. I like your list because the items on it actually require some effort to accomplish. They also show how you’re thinking beyond yourself and how you can serve the community around you. It’s all well and good to develop yourself, but those efforts go to waste if they don’t also add value to others’ lives.

    Thank you for giving the world some ideas on how to spend 2014.
    In closing, I’ve some questions for you:

    What classical fiction book will you read?
    What language are you going to learn?
    What country will you travel to?
    What state will you travel to?

    1. I’ll read Anna Karenina
    2. I’ll continue studying learning Korean and also learn some Japanese and Chinese.
    3. I’ll be going to Taiwan.
    4. Korea has provinces, but I’ll be going to South Jeolla to visit Gwangju.

    • Good for you! I have not read Anna Karenina yet. I would love to travel to Southeast Asia one day!

      1. I don’t know which classical fiction book I will read this year yet. One of my favorites last year was A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. One of my goals for 2014 is to only read books authored by or about people who have already died so I will probably read several books that fit the bill 🙂
      2. I speak English and Spanish already and I’ve started learning the Arabic alphabet – the first of many steps to learning Arabic (also another goal for 2014).
      3. I hope to go to Kenya, the Bahamas, and possibly Germany this year. One for work, one for pleasure, and one for service.
      4. I’ve never been out West and I would love to go! Possibly Colorado…

  5. I think you missed the whole point of that article. I believe it was ment to be stupid things. It was screaming out to young girls that ANYTHING (even eating Nutella in one sitting) is better than than being dumb enough to get engaged so young. Although your list is great and I do see the point you are making here.

    • I do agree that the original article was taken too seriously, and was meant to be satirical. But I disagree that anything is better than getting married young, and I think it’s incredibly ignorant to claim that. After reading countless things online that say that you need to do all these things before getting married and supposedly ending everything good, it’s so refreshing to hear someone say otherwise. I’m 20, engaged, and getting married at 22. I happened to find the perfect person for me earlier than I planned, and now we’re getting married. It works for us, and I’m tired of reading online that apparently now we can’t do countless things just because we’re getting married. Getting married young is definitely not for everyone, and I would have never chosen this before meeting my fiancé, but who gave you the right to judge someone on their life choices like that? We’re not getting married because of some obligation or because we don’t want to be single. You have no idea what our reasoning is, yet you claim that ANYTHING (even eating Nutella in one sitting) is better than our supposedly dumb decision to get engaged. You know what? You can keep your Nutella. I’ll take my wonderful, hilarious, caring, and sexy fiancé.

      Also, why is it young GIRLS being warned, “Don’t get married young!”. Most of the time (with the exception of gay couples of course), there’s a guy who asking that girl to marry him. Why are people not saying boys are dumb for getting married young? It takes two to tango, folks. If you’re going to be ignorant and make sweeping generalizations, include both genders please.

      • I suppose that the reason that girls are warned not to marry young more than men are warned about it is because most of the time the man is the older of the two. But you have a good point about the sexism thing.

    • definitely agree with you, Bubbleblake: justaylored’s response took the original blog post way too literally… and got a little too preachy in the process of doing so.
      justaylored: you’ve essentially just replaced the original poster’s list with your own list. in effect, it was less of a refute and more of just a personal ‘seconded!’. though I do prefer your list to hers.

    • I’m sorry, what exactly is DUMB about getting married at a young age? While I am not married and do not plan to be for a few years (i am 20 year old college student), there is still not a single thing that is dumb about marrying young. If you find the one you love, go for it. Sorry that you’re lonely, but you should not be belittling women that are better balanced than you are. Although I am not married, I do have a boyfriend. We pretty much live together at this point. I am a student, on my college dance team, have had an internship each semester since my sophomore year, and have a paid part time job. I have a 4.0 GPA. Not to mention, I also sponsor a child in Africa, who I am very adamant about writing to often. I also have a team of 26 girls that are my best friends that I can bullshit and eat nutella with all night if I so choose. I plan to travel and do great things for the world, and if my best friend, the guy I have been with since 18, wants to come along for the ride, it would only be that much more amazing. If I were to get married right now, not one thing would be different about any of that. You are incredibly ignorant for generalizing every woman that gets married young as “dumb”. What exactly is the “correct” age to get married at anyway? Also, the original article was absolutely nothing but a list bashing women that have reached that point in their lives before others. It’s not even a little bit close to satire.

  6. I think this a very good post in itself. Unfortunately, I think that you missed a few points by the previous author. Maybe I’m reading too deeply, but I don’t think you’re reading deep enough. I think there are big themes behind her simple list that speak volumes. I don’t agree with all of them, of course (date two people at once) but some that you criticize send good, positive messages.

    For instance: cut your hair or eat a jar of Nutella. I think she’s saying don’t worry what people think or your figure for one moment and just indulge. Or “Be Selfish”. People are SO worried (myself included) about what others think about and want from them. I consider myself a very caring person but I think it would be good for me to be more selfish sometimes. To maybe have picked a school or career right off the bat that I wanted, rather than worrying about my parents opinion or the whereabouts of my then-boyfriend.

    Like I said, this is well-written and for the most part, sends a good message. But responding to what you consider an “in-your-face” article with and even more arrogant, in-your-face response gives you zero credibility.

  7. Great list! My only question is why compare it to getting married at all? You don’t die when you’re married. Everything on this last can be done whether you’re married or not.

  8. Pingback: 24 Things to Do Instead of Getting Married Before You’re 24, a response | justaylored « eagleinthestorm

  9. I didn’t complete all 24 on this list but I did have some things I wanted to do before I married because let’s face it, once you get married ‘life’ gets in the way. I read a wonderful book called “Lady in Waiting” and it taught me that God has a plan for each of us and just because I am a woman doesn’t mean His plan for me doesn’t necessarily ‘start’ when I get married. So with that in mind I graduated from College and spent 2 years on the mission field in Romania. I have always wanted to do more than a 2 week trip so I set myself that goal and turned a one year goal into two (it would have lasted longer but 9/11/01 pretty much dried up my fundraising because “it must be God’s will for me to stay in the States…”) I digress….I am glad you have set some realistic and selfless goals for yourself, someday you will be a wonderful wife and mother because you’ve already learned that it’s not about you.

  10. nice article, but the 23 things article was a satire, she explains on her facebook “Dear slut shammers, internet trolls, and everyone who obviously didn’t get the point of my article, My #23things list was written as a satire. The discussion was not. I want to start a discussion on twitter about what should REALLY be on a #23things bucket list for #2014. Tweet at your girl and hashtag #23things. Because millennials have REAL shit to say… We just prefer to do it via social media.”

  11. Post the link for sponsoring a child on your blog!!!! Thanks for these!!! I totally have some new years resolutions from this ! 🙂

  12. This is such a wonderful blog post. That original article (as well as many others like it) focus on such selfishness and silly things that add so little value to one’s life. A haircut, you should and could do at any given point, and enouraging others to be “selfish” is simply a terrible character trait to have let alone to harness. Your list includes so many things that are achievable, productive and helpful (to yourself, or to others). Keep doing what you’re doing, this is just wonderful.

  13. My cousin (way younger) put this on her Facebook page so I read it. As a 43 year old never married, I must say that I loved this! Although marriage was plan A, singleness can be a great plan B when God is in charge! I help with the youth trips, teach a ladies Sunday school class, and take mission trips. Investing in others through the love of Christ is very hard but rewarding. Praying you will continue to serve our great God!

  14. Here is my response to each one of your goals. I am 24 and was married when we were 23.

    1. Sponsor a Child for a year
    I did this alone at 21, and I am very capable of doing it again WITH my husband, and making it a fulfilling experience for both of us.

    2. Read at least 3 NY Times articles every week
    I live in Canada so I will read something that applies to my community and the issues that are happening here.

    3. Take your parents out for a fancy (non-fast food) meal
    Can’t you say double date? And who are we kidding most people don’t want to spend that much alone time with their parents anyway, especially if you are early 20’s!

    4. Work hard at a job – any job
    This is a goal everyone should have their whole life. You can be single, married, in a relationship, or just creep cute people on Facebook, if you have a job do it to the best of your ability everyday you will always feel more fulfilled with your day.

    5. Travel to a new country
    This isn’t reasonable for some people so we might just stick to #6. I have traveled both single and married, and I felt much safer having someone there with me. More importantly, we all want to, ya know, “make our mark” on the place by “christening the new bed” and it is much better to get your freak on with someone you trust.

    6. Travel to a new state
    Sure! We call them provinces and if you live in Ontario and you want to go to Montreal for the first time YOU NEED A NAVIGATOR!!!

    7. Read a classical fiction novel
    We all do this in high school, but really now that I am married I can’t do this? Shouldn’t do this? Now I can’t read? Yes, the last one was dramatic but come on, what does reading a book have to do with your relationship status? Maybe I like non-fiction…

    8. Teach someone a new skill you have already mastered
    I am teaching my husband how to do dishes, make a sandwich, put the toilet seat down, close the fridge door ALL the way, replace the garbage bag, replace the milk bag, scoop the cat litter, the coat hanger holds coats and sweaters better then a living room chair, and where to take his boots off so water doesn’t get all over the floor!

    9. Learn a new skill
    No one could have taught me better then my husband, about patience! If you didn’t read #8, read it, done? Now you understand!

    10. Learn a new language
    My husband taught me how to understand Bull Shit. Does that count?

    11. Pay off debt
    If you have debt obviously pay it off. More importantly, at any age, we all should try not rack up unnecessary debt, especially if is going to take you
    “till you’re married” to pay it off.

    12. Read the Bible in a year
    There is no better gift then to be able to grow your knowledge of the lord with your spouse, that you married under the eyes of the lord. Remember ladies and gentlemen sex before marriage is a sin, living with someone you are interested in sexually before marriage is a sin, greed, lust, the list goes on. So really if you want to be a true to the faith christian, get married!!

    13. Be selfless
    This is more easily come by when you are married, because you always have what someone else wants and needs to think about.

    14. Join a sports league, art club, orchestra, whatever you’re interested in.
    You have to do this when you are married because there are very few couples that can spend every waking minute together! It is also a great thing to be able to support your spouse while they are doing something they love!

    15. Write a letter to a friend
    I can write a letter to my husband while I am traveling in another country by myself!! PS I love sarcasm 🙂

    16. Learn how to properly set a table
    Didn’t your mother teach you this well before you reach 24?

    17. Stop taking bathroom selfies
    This is an excellent point! I think the duck face should also be cut from routine picture taking. If I can be so bold as to say so should the pose where it looks like you are halfway between standing and taking a crap!

    18. Vote – local, state, or national election
    This is a right that we all have acquired through years of fighting for what is just in this world. If you don’t vote don’t complain about public policies, such as taxes.

    19. Embark on a goal that will take at least 10 years to accomplish
    I really have nothing to say for this one. Owning a home? Building a business? Either way you will probably get married during the completion of this goal so I hope your spouse supports you!

    20. Hand write a thank-you note
    I think we are all loosing communication skills due to the advancements in technology. So handwriting anything these days is a nice gesture. Hey you cant write a thank-you note and mail it like a letter and knock #20 and #15 in one shot!!

    21. Buy a nice dress or tux/suit for weddings and funerals
    Hmmmmmm well I hope for all of you that you have only had the pleasure of attending weddings thus far in your life, and not the unfortunate experience of burying your loved ones. Either way your LBD should do the trick for both most of the time, and as we all know ladies we have had that LBD dress since the first time we went shopping in adulthood. Men the minimum requirement is dress pants which you probably already have, dress shirt, and tie for both situations so just go pick up a suitable jacket and BAM no need to buy the whole package all at once, you will be dressed to impress.

    22. Re-read a favorite book
    It takes me so long to read a book all the way through (due to time restrictions) it is like I am reading it for the first time every time!! Wait… I could be reading right now!!

    23. Spend a day in the mountains alone
    For me this includes visiting a different Provence… My advice choose the right season, plan for disaster, and learn the soundtrack to The Sound of Music.

    and last, but not least…

    24. Make a friend and share a jar of Nutella with them – one sitting or otherwise
    Get a jar of Nutella, a couple bananas, strawberries, and a box of crepes. Follow the directions of how to prepare the crepes, fill with the above mentioned ingredients, and EAT!! YUMMY YUMMY!!

    My final thought is that your life, weather you are married or not, should always be filled with a good balance of sorrow, joy, and regret. Sorrow to appreciate the joy, and regret to learn from your mistakes. Always be willing to change for the better, and don’t let anyone, at any age, tell you who you need to be. Life is nothing without having special people to share you most memorable moments with weather they be good or bad. If you marry someone that you can’t still be yourself with after you are married, then maybe you made the wrong decision, or the relationship needs to change. There is no age, deadline, or cutoff time for doing things you love, accomplishing new goals, or having new adventures. Being single or being married shouldn’t hold you back from doing anything on either the original list or this revised one above. Be yourself, love yourself and the rest will fall into place.

    • First of all , if u have time to write as much as the author herself , u should write ur own article lol.

      Secondly, i think the author was trying to tell us how to enjoy life before marrying cuz once u marry u will have a ton of responsibility and life wont be the same. U will probably have a baby that will be constantly crying, and he will drive u crazy. Try going to the mountain with him or doing any of the list, i assure u it wont be fun; it will be a pain in the ass. What happens when u get a second child right after the first one lol u see my point. U think that once u marry , u will live happily ever after? Naah those stuff are only in fairy tales. What really happen is that the mom learns the fake smile kids give when they poop and need a change of dipers. The husband will try to avoid all this by sneaking out of the house ( me ). In fact he will be sneaking out most of the time. Bottom line : enjoy life before this shit.

  15. Pingback: 24 things to do when not in a relationship. A straight edger guy’s response. | Life is an Adventure

  16. This is one of the saddest articles I have ever read. The replies are equally sad. Why is marriage so offensive to so many? Why is getting married at 23 seen as almost a death sentence? One responder said that children usually follow (as if that’s a bad thing) and married people don’t get to accomplish as much as married people. I feel deeply saddened that your generation, as mine, has not seen the beauty of a life-long marriage covenant. I have accomplished far greater with my husband and children than I ever could have alone. We were created to be not just social, introspective people, but wives and mothers, the greatest calling on earth for women (Titus 2:3-5; Proverbs 31). Seek God’s face on this issue and rejoice and be in awe of God’s calling to women.

    • I think the point wasn’t that it was seen as pitiable to get married young, but that many people think it is pitiable NOT to be “with” someone at all times, even before marriage. A single person, without even a steady girlfriend/boyfriend to their credit, is seen as a real loser and someone others should feel sorry for. This is the attitude addressed in articles such as this one. You’re “supposed” to be part of a couple to prove that somehow you are a worthy person…even if it’s just a casual dating relationship. All the better if it’s a marriage–not because marriage is noble and honourable, but because this proves your worth as a human being. This is what the article was trying to address. “You do not have to be sitting around doing nothing, just waiting for marriage to happen. There are lots of valuable things to do in the meantime.”

  17. This was very inspirational! Thank-you for showing us that not everyone has to act like what seems like the majority of our generation.

  18. I like your article out of the original and all the responses the best. I really think you hit the nail on the head about what was so wrong with the original post. Rather than sounding like we should be finding ourselves and creating distinct identities before we attach ourselves to another person forever, the original sounded like a privileged whiny condemnation of people who do in fact think they have found that one person they want to spend the rest of their life with… Your list accomplishes the same original intent but obviously seems way better for “finding myself” than watching seasons of TV and hooking up with strangers. And if the person I am married to looks down on me eating a full jar of nutella every so often… I think I chose the wrong person. 🙂

  19. I want to thank you for writing this!! I am 24 soon be 25 and recently engaged. Without listing my achievements and way I explore life I completely agree with you! I’ve done things on both your list and unfortunately the other list (23 things…); and with that being said I’ve felt way more fulfilled and satisfied in my life with some of the things listed in your list! I can’t wait to share this article online and send it to some of the girls I work with! Thanks for being honest without being catty/defensive! God’s working through you and I thank him for that! We need more people like you to write words like yours to send a positive and constructive vibe to our young generation! Keep it up!

  20. Pingback: Whatever Things I Do Before I Get Married At Any Age | Words of an Angry White Girl

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  22. perhaps the article didn’t work for you, but you have to understand that there are other twenty somethings out there who share the same views as vanessa. To degrade them is to be negligent that we exist, but then again, that’s the whole crux of your belief isn’t it? that no other beliefs should exist.

  23. Thank you for being a voice of sanity. When I read the first article I wondered what the world was coming to when young women felt like being selfish, making strangers uncomfortable and standing naked in front of a window were requirements before marriage or better options than marriage. ugh. Thanks for an uplifting response.

  24. This is excellent! Myself and 2 of my sisters all got married within this past year, and though each of our relationships looked different, we would all agree with this post! All three of us spent our time as teenagers and young adults pursuing the Lord, participating in ministries, and serving people. I have discovered far more about myself by looking outside myself than I ever have by being selfish! I sponsored a child through World Vision for 5 years before I got married (and we continue to sponsor him), traveled for 2 years with a ministry group, pursued education and ministry, and ultimately, that’s how I met my husband. We were serving together. Had I “been selfish” or sat around eating nutella, I may never have met my husband, and I certainly wouldn’t have been leading a fulfilling life! I have a purpose as a person! I believe God gave me my husband and we will go through life together serving Him and serving others, and doing many of the things on this list together now. But how could I possibly expect to have a fulfilled life of loving God, loving people, and having fun, with my husband if I never did that without him? Getting married doesn’t change who you are or really even how you live your life, only who you go through life with. Also, don’t quit this list once you’re married, just share it with your man. 🙂

  25. Great list! But it definitely would have been nicer if you didn’t have to judge someone else 🙂 it’s ok to post your own list without pointing out someone else’s list that you disagreed with.

  26. Pingback: 23 and Married? | Honestly Speaking

  27. Mmm. I wish I got married 3 years earlier. I knew my wife all the time and it was such a drag to have to work around not being married all the time with many things. If you really found your life partner, bugger the age. Just get married, don’t torture yourself.

  28. Well said, kind of a take off or application of Jesus words in the Sermon on the Mount, “But above all pursue His Kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33.

    As for societal pressure to marry, marriage is only a societal norm because it is part of the creation. To say otherwise puts an evolutionary interpretation of marriage over the authority of Scripture. God made us to be married, that is the majority of us – Gen 1:28; 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6; 1 Corinthians 7; Hebrews 13:4. That said, in our Corinthian culture these days being single has it’s pros. Certainly don’t be in a hurry or as you said, make an idol of being married but do look at it from a Biblical perspective that the desire to be married and have children is from God, not society.

    A final note, if it were me I’d look for someplace else to get my news than the New York Times. It is the anti-Christ in print. That’s hyperbolic but nevertheless true. There is no such thing as neutral reporting, it’s a myth. All facts are interpreted and our depravity affects how those facts are interpreted.

    There are lots of options to at least get some balance. I go to http://americanvision.org/, http://townhall.com/ and http://teapartyeconomist.com/ for a more conservative viewpoint. American Vision and the Teaparty Economist are Christian Reformed. The Teapart Economist is a bit curmudgeonly but you never miss the author’s point. Give it a try. It’s worth it.

    • The desire to marry and have children is certainly normal and natural. It’s hard when young people are urged to do it because it’s the right thing to do…knowing (as we all did at that age, unless we were “lucky” enough to find the right one early on instead of watching all our friends get hitched and wondering what in the world was wrong with us?…) when, in fact, it does take two people to embark on a marriage.

      A woman, for example, no matter how godly, normal, natural, and willing to be wife and mother she may be, can’t actually just go off and get married. The more traditionally minded she is, the more she will be conditioned to wait till she is asked, ideally by a man whose lifestyle, beliefs and goals are similar to hers.

      Some people seem not to think of this simple fact. “If you’re a godly Christian woman, of course you should be planning on marriage and family and nothing else.”

      Good luck, but unless you are willing to accept the first man who asks you (just assuming that one will, of course), that may not be by the time you’re 20 years old, right? Meanwhile, waiting for that man whose beliefs are in agreement with yours to come along, what are you going to do with that important life God gave you? Refine your wife-and-mother housekeeping skills, endlessly? Is that your only option? There are so many other ways to develop the gifts you have. These gifts I refer to are God-given gifts, not demonic distractions trying to sneakily rob you of your true calling.

      If a woman does find a husband and raise a family, it’s literally true (no matter how “liberated” she may be) that there will be times when she can’t run around developing other aspects of her character and talents. Why not develop them now while she is single, before she is busy with the most valuable career in the world? (I use the term to make a point with those who believe that being a wife and mother is, in fact, the most valuable career. Not everyone will agree with me.) If the talents a woman develops before marriage are good and worthy ones, there will certainly be time and opportunity to bring them out later on.

      How about men? It’s easier for them, right? They get to do the asking (assuming they too are traditionally minded) so all they have to do is find a suitable girl and ask her to marry them, right? Well, not all men are accepted when they offer marriage, either. So it isn’t easy for them to “do what’s right–marry and raise kids” any more than for the girls.

      People of traditional values do, I believe, perhaps without realizing or intending it, put a great deal of pressure on young people to do something they do not individually have complete control over.

  29. Pingback: On Being Single | Vision Mexico

  30. This article is absolutely perfect. The post you are criticizing had good intentions – probably. It wanted to demonstrate that there is a life for the single people beyond pursuing marriage. But this article proves the same point the right way. Yes, there IS life beyond pursuing marriage – it is a life of self-sacrifice, of love, of giving, and yes, fun. What makes this list fun though is that it enriches the self by benefiting the lives of others, and genuinely contributing to this world. I seriously love this. Especially #17. THANK YOU.

  31. The funny thing is that I got engaged at 21 and I have done almost all of these things while being single and again while married. Being married is not this death sentence where all your goals are left behind. If you find the one God has made for you when you’re young, getting married is great. If you spend your 20’s single and finding yourself, that’s great too.

  32. Nice list. BUT I think you are overthinking the “23” post. The girl simply encouraged us to live a little & take ourselves a bit less seriously. Your list is the responsible, profound & and almost spiritual kind & good for you… BUT I don’t think rubbishing the “23” post is the way to go…. Great post…. but live a little.

  33. Pingback: 29 things. | Life, etc.

  34. Pingback: Get married at 23! Or don’t! Whatever! | Kathleen Martini

  35. Pingback: My 20 Year Old Opinion on Getting Married Before Turning 23 | City Girl With A Country Heart

  36. You are completely missing the point of 23 things – it’s a satire, not a literal bucket list for life as a single girl. I highly doubt the author expects you to find life happiness through stuffing your face with Nutella. The point of the article is to focus on finding yourself and determining what is meaningful to your life before you share it with someone else. The author is encouraging young women to explore, experiment, travel, make mistakes, learn and try things out of their comfort zone rather then rushing into marriage because it’s “safe”. It doesn’t matter what the items on the list are.

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