Love Wins.

In writing this piece, I know I will disappoint, frustrate and anger many people. Still, I hope you find compassion and love here. I am not writing for those who agree with me, I already know your thoughts, but for those who disagree. You’re probably busy celebrating right now – a sensible response, but maybe you’ll take the time to reflect with me.

Today marks a historic day for the United States of America. Today, our Supreme Court, the highest court in the land, voted to forbid states from banning same-sex marriage. It is a rare treat to be a part of memorable history. We know our children’s children will learn this date in school. The implications of our actions will be felt long after we are gone. Today, we belong to something greater than ourselves.

We know the Court’s function is to uphold and represent the original intentions of the Constitution. But how can you uphold an intent that was never conceived? The justices have the unenviable task of wading these waters on a regular basis, and not just with regard to same-sex marriage. Like everyone, they are subject to their cultural, historical, educational, familial and other biases. The decision today is, in my opinion, more a reflection of modern culture than an attempt to uphold historical intentions. Popular opinion is a fickle mistress and today she and I disagree.

In reviewing several articles already circulating in the news, one line has struck me again and again. Justice Kennedy, in his majority opinion, stated: “No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family,” he wrote. “In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were.”

I agree wholeheartedly with his statement. No union is more profound than marriage. Marriage is the embodiment of the highest ideals. In marital union, two people become something greater than once they were – they become one. Justice Kennedy, we agree.

My question is, however, why? What is so fundamental in marriage, what is the essence, that makes marriage so unique? Why is marriage different than dating?

I cannot fully answer this question myself with a checklist or simple solution. Marriage is a mystery. It is a mysterious reflection of a greater union between Christ and His Bride, the Church. Just like a statue is a reflection of the great man (or woman) who once lived, so marriage is unique because it represents something greater than itself. We don’t remember the statue, we remember who the statue represents.

Marriage is given to us by our Creator and as such, is defined by Him alone. Despite the appearance otherwise, no individual, court, or state can define marriage. In restricting marriage to one man and one woman we represent greater diversity. In marriage we see the full reflection of God – male and female – created in His image.

By limiting marriage to Biblical standards, we are not trying to limit fundamental rights or attempt to crush anyone’s identity. I know that sounds like foolishness, but bear with me. Yes, to those who desire to marry a member of the same sex, I would restrict your freedom. However, all of us operate under some level of restrictions. No parent would argue it is beneficial to place no limits on your child’s desires – even genuine heartfelt desires. However, by maintaining the Biblical view of marriage we continue to affirm the dignity of all, male and female. We affirm each of us is necessary to reflect the full image of God. We teach ourselves that we are not defined solely by our sexual identity. Or any other identity, for that matter. We have an identity that is supreme above all – we are image bearers of God. This identity is not dependent upon our actions, the courts, our desires, or ourselves. It is given to us by virtue of our Creator without any merit on our part.

When we find ourselves frustrated by the limitations on us as created beings, we remember the God who limited his ultimate freedom and restricted himself to become a son of man, a human in all our limitations, to rescue us from our greatest need. We were condemned to death and we have been given a chance for new life through his death on the cross to pay for our sins and his resurrection and defeat of death.

To come back to the initial question, why is marriage unique? What is its essence? Marriage is unique because God made it unique. In unfathomable love, God created a way for traitors, haters, murderers, liars, and bigots to be made right. In doing so, He gave nothing less than Himself. His commitment is demonstrated in part through the mysterious union of a man and a woman coming together in a unique way through which they become greater than themselves.

The essence of marriage is the unwavering, unfaltering, unending commitment of God to his people reflected in the unwavering, unfaltering, unending commitment of one man and one woman to each other through marriage.

Today, our nation disagrees. The beauty of being an American is we can disagree. Those of us who are disappointed must remember our hope lies not in the American court system or with any human power, be they just or unjust, but in the God who will one day make all things right – love will win.

5 thoughts on “Love Wins.

  1. I’m not going to argue with you, nor will I attempt to change your mind, as that is unlikely to be a fruitful endeavor. What I would like to encourage you to do, however, is to think of all of your gay and lesbian friends. This post rejects them. You are careful with your words, but your fundamental message is ‘I do not accept you.’ You make a parallel to ” traitors, haters, murderers, liars, and bigots” in a post about gay marriage. Think about how that would sound if you were homosexual.

    Of course, this is America, as you say in your post. You have the freedom to think and say what you wish. You also have the freedom to stay silent. On day as special as this one, I’d encourage you to exercise that freedom.

    • Thanks for the considerate response. I know my opinion sounds hateful to many people. In writing this post, I was absolutely thinking about my friends who are gay and lesbian. I do not think my post rejects them because I think they, and I, are more than our sexual desires. I can disagree with them and they with me, and still remain friends. Our friendship is not preceded by our attractions.

      I would ask this question, if someone you knew was addicted to alcohol from birth and therefore didn’t know that alcohol was bad. All this person knew was that he craved alcohol – it was literally built into his cells. Would it be kind of me to remain silent? Should I tell him the truth, if I am aware? It would be hateful for me to remain silent. Please understand, I am not comparing homosexuality to alcoholism. I am making an illustration to highlight my motivations for sharing my beliefs, even when they are in contradiction to someone else’s beliefs.

      The parallel with “traitors, haters, muderers, et al” was pointed at myself. We are all guilty of sin. I count myself chief of all transgressors – I am the traitor, hater, murderer who needs forgiveness. Thankfully, there is a God who offers just that.

  2. It’s hard for me to understand this point of view essentially because not everyone believes in God. So why should they be restricted to something because of what only some believe? I, for one, do not believe. But from what I’ve heard from bible huggers is that only God can judge. So who do you think you are to do so? It seems so hypocritical to me.

    Either way, today marks the day that your view will no longer be put on a pedestal. So there is no need to argue it anymore. I just hope your God can forgive you for your ignorance. As for me, it just makes me sad for you, so I hope you open your eyes one day to the fact that your beliefs are not superior to that of other humans. Everyone is equal. This day should have taught you that.

    • Hey Megan, if you read my article you will see my point was not to make a statement about same sex marriage, though that is inevitably a bi-product. We live in a free country with separation of church and state – and I am so thankful for that! Instead, I wanted to raise the question, where do these values we hold so dearly come from? Why do we believe in equality? Why do we believe in the goodness of marriage? Yes, everyone is equal, as you said – why is that? I believe it is because we are all created in the image of God. No law or state can take that from us. Even if the majority of the country were to declare all brunettes to be inferior it would not be true – not because brunettes are always right or because the majority opinion is always right, but because brunettes, like blondes, red-heads, and all others are created in the image of God. Marriage as defined by the state is a legal contract and as such can be arbitrated by the state. However, I believe marriage is more than a legal contract – and I think Justice Kennedy alluded to that in his opinion as well. Why do we know intuitively that marriage is a big deal? I would argue that it is because it is a reflection of God’s relationship with his people. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  3. This is so well written and so powerful. Though we would prefer that God’s plan for His people be reflected in the law of the land, that has never been the case (Or at least His people have chosen to modify His law or pursue their own interests apart from His law), We as Christians do not need to be dismayed that our nation’s laws do not necessarily reflect God’s plan for His people. This is a nation, not a church. Hopefully the church guides the nation, but the nation does not “reform” the church (Romans 12:1-2). Christians remain free to pursue and yield to God’s plan for their lives and eternity. The state WILL impose unsavory rules that require church members compliance. It (all states) always has and always will, but our God has promised to work ALL things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to his purpose (Rom 8:28). Yes! Love will win!

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