7 Ways to Avoid Burnout

marathon-1494648_1920Yes, I’ve done that once. or twice. OK, maybe several times. In fact, going 90mph is my default setting. I’m not so good with the emotions and the rest and the boundaries.

Recently (as in last week), I wrapped up an incredibly busy season; perhaps my busiest yet. I had serious commitments every night of the week except Fridays and Saturdays and I had work every day except Sunday. I was busy – we all are.

The work I was doing was meaningful. It brought me great joy and I loved working hard and ending each day feeling accomplished, tired, and empty. However, as the months wore on, I found myself empty more – mornings were harder, people were harder, my brain and body felt slower.

Still, I managed to stay relatively healthy during this time – physically, mentally, and spiritually, which is probably a first. After several burnouts of varying degrees I think I’ve finally learned a little about myself, my body, and my life.

Here are a few of the ways I’ve stayed healthy this season and if you’re a chronic over-achiever or workaholic, maybe these can help you too.

  1. PRAY. When I was looking at my calendar back in August, the sheer volume of weekly commitments was overwhelming. I began praying then that God would give me the strength to handle my responsibilities well. This continued daily and hourly for the last several months.
  2. REST – I was diligent, dare I say vigilant, in getting to bed on time. For me, this was 10:30pm with a 5:30am wake up most mornings. I was at a point where even 30 minutes of variation in the amount of sleep I got would derail me. Sleep was also a reminder that I am not super-human and I am not in control.
  3. EXERCISE – As difficult as it was, I consistently worked out at least 4x per week this season. Yes, some weeks were only 3x and some were more, but my average was 4x per week. For me, hard exercise is a balm that soothes the rough spots in my personality, calms my fears, and generally keeps me happy. I not only need exercise, I need to know I have time to exercise.
  4. EAT – One of my early indicators of my mental health is my physical health. I don’t notice my emotions quickly and I feel stress physically. My body usually knows the state of my health before my mind so making sure I am well-fueled is essential. It’s easy for me to default to oatmeal, eggs, or fruit for dinner and while these aren’t bad, I definitely need more food than that. If anything, this is the one area this season where I did not excel. Lots of oatmeal, eggs, and avocados for me and not enough “real meals.”
  5. FRIENDS – As a high-energy achiever, I can easily neglect my friends in order to accomplish a task. However, my friends rejuvenate my spirit and give me life in a way crossing off a to-do list never will. Even when I was tired, I knew I needed to spend time with friends – previously, I would have stayed home and opted for sleep, but I’ve learned there’s nothing quite as rejuvenating as good wine and belly laughs.
  6. READ MY BIBLE – This could easily go hand-in-hand with prayer, but I think this needs it’s own category. Maintaining spiritual health and growth is essential (if not THE essential) to a healthy life. During this crazy season, I saw God provide for me in ways I could not have imagined and reading His Word reminded me each day that my story is just a small part of a much bigger story. When things were tough and I was tired and surviving the next 24 hours was daunting, remembering that there is a God who is in control and who sustains the universe (and me!) was critical to maintaining my sanity and perspective.
  7. SHARE MY FEELINGS – We already know that I’m not so good at the feelings, emotions, and sharing weakness thing so this step is not natural to me. BUT, I found it incredibly liberating to be honest when people asked how I was doing. The typical “I’m good, busy, but good!” response when people asked me how I was doing just didn’t cut it this time. I was also surprised by how encouraging people were and how many people thanked me for my honesty. It’s not easy admitting I am weak, but I am so you might as well know the truth.

Well, there you go. These are 7 of the ways I’ve stayed healthy this season. What are the ways you stay healthy?

Be sure to stay tuned for more observations as I rest, decompress, and re-evaluate this busy season.

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Are You Going to Hurt Me?, A Response

Tim Challies recently wrote about his observations running in the early morning and the women whose path he crosses in his article Are You Going to Hurt Me?

The article resonated with me as a woman, Christian, and runner and I wrote a response. Tim posted my response in his Letters to the Editor. I’ve copied my response below for you:

Tim, thank you for writing the “Are You Going to Hurt Me” article. It brings to light the tension I have long felt as a woman, runner, (recovering) feminist, and friend of many good men.

As a woman, I walk around knowing that 50% of the population could hurt me if they so choose. Although I am strong for a girl, I am weak compared to men. Yes, I work out regularly, I lift heavy weights, I run, I do everything “right,” but I am weak. At best, I hope to be able to defend myself long enough to survive, to get away, or to get help; that is all.

As a believer, I walk around knowing I am equal in worth to men. I have strong parents who loved me and taught me true self-confidence, I am a daughter of the King. I have unique skills and talents because I am a woman that neither diminish nor are greater than a man’s unique skills and talents.

As a (recovering) feminist, I fight the lie that I have to be the same as men to be valuable. I fight the temptation to turn a blind eye to the unique image bearing of men and women. I want to be the strong, unafraid, woman confidently striding down the street or running down the dark path, but I am not. My ears are pricked, I eyes are peeled, and I’m always a little afraid.

As a friend, daughter, sister-in-Christ to many good men, I walk around with the security of knowing there are good, godly men who desire to protect me – even when I don’t want it. They care for me emotionally and yes, even physically. I know men who go out of their way to make me feel secure when I am running alone—they step to the side, they speak, their eyes do not linger with a lustful hunger. These men speak kindly, they walk me to my car, they hold doors—not because I am incapable, not because I can never walk alone to my car, but because they care. They remind me that my hope is not in myself, it’s not even in them, my hope is in the God who they reflect—the one who cares for me when I am alone and afraid.

Thank you for bringing this simple issue to light. It is a reality for many women and we need good men in all areas of our life.

Lessons Learned from the Girls of Ablor

D-group girls | 2016

The lie of good enough. Am I good enough? Did I do enough? Could I have done more? Am I sufficient to meet this need, accomplish this task, be this friend, the list goes on. This lie continues to follow me in everything I do.

As I reflect on this season of graduation, endings and beginnings, hope and a little fear, I am quickly filled with my own doubts and aware of my own inadequacies. I over-analyze farewell speeches, words left unsaid or said in haste, patience lost, frustrations aired, and grace not given.

In these moments, my hope is (once again) in my performance. Was I good enough for my girls? The answer is a resounding NO. However, my job, my hope, and my purpose is to point them to the One who is good enough; infinitely so. My confidence is in God’s provision for them – not their own and certainly not mine.

Looking back, I realize I’ve grown just as much as my girls. I am not the same person I was when we were all just young babes trying to figure out life and high school. A few things I’ve learned:

  1. Patience. Hard work and progress are slow. Be faithful in the small things and one day you will see they’ve become the big things. Success and growth don’t come overnight, but don’t lose hope. Keep fighting. God is faithful to the end.
  2. Leadership is not about me. My purpose in leading these girls is not for my fame, ego, appreciation, or anything else. I was most frustrated when I felt disappointed because the girls weren’t performing the way I wanted instead of remembering we are all a work in progress – me especially! I’ve learned to trust in God who is bigger than all of us and realize that growth is slow, messy, and sometimes painful – for me and them. My patience is greatest when I remember I’m not their savior.
  3. Laugh. Y’all these girls are Pranksters with a capital “P”. They have pulled off a long list of ever increasing skillful and well-thought out pranks. They’ve kept me on my toes and taught me to never underestimate the craftiness of high school girls. They are funny, goofy, and creative. Laughter and the mutual bond of pranking your leaders is a great base for friendship and vulnerability. Also, revenge is a dish best served publicly 🙂
  4. Give grace then give it again. To my girls, to my self, friends, family, and strangers. It’s easy to think the worst of people, but most of the time we are all just trying our best. Be patient, forgiving, kind, and give grace. I have never looked back and thought, Man, I was too gracious to that person. I should have been harder on them.
  5. Pray. Prayer softens my heart and does more than any of my words or actions could do. When I pray I remind myself I am not their savior. I am not in control. My heart is softened and hopeful after prayer, but I still don’t do it often enough.

It has been such a privilege to lead a group of high-school girls for four years. Some of my favorite memories include time with them. We laugh, joke, and talk about hard realities. These girls have challenged me to think more deeply, laugh more often, and not be afraid to take risks. I am so excited to see how far we have all come and I can’t wait to see what lies ahead.

To the girls of Ablor, thank you!

Don’t Get a Mentor

Nearly every millennial has been given the advice, “get a mentor.” We know we are lacking in experience, knowledge, and wisdom. We go off into the world and beg the most popular and influential people we know to be mentors. Often, they are smart, successful, wise, and busy. We expect lots of time, energy, and emotion directed towards us – after all, we’re the selfish generation.

In our hyper-individualized world, where texting is more comfortable than talking, we are often isolated not just from our own peers, but especially from older generations. Wisdom, knowledge, and experience that was once learned in the context of daily life now has to be gleaned in curated conversations over coffee.

What if this didn’t have to be the case? What if instead of clamoring for mentors, we sought to be friends instead? What if we made intentional efforts to spend time with people 10-50 years older than us, just because?

Two of my dearest friends are 60+ years old. They are kind, easy to talk to, can be funny or serious, they give great advice, they listen well, laugh quickly, and remember small details about my life. They tell great stories and they love people.

These two women are wholly committed to God and his Word. They love the Scriptures and they love people. They are active in their churches and they love talking about their faith. They are skilled in debate and often challenge me to think more deeply about my own faith and life. They refuse to settle with platitudes or shallow thinking. To engage with them is to draw water from a deep well.

They encourage me to be more fully me while challenging me to dive deeper into God’s Word and his plan for me.

It would be easy to call these women my mentors, because they are. They counsel, exhort, and love me, but our relationship is deeper than a formal mentor relationship. Each of them came into my life for what I thought was a particular season, but our relationships have bloomed into something longer lasting.

Individuals of my generation are often told to “find a mentor.” The implication being, in this individualistic society we need the wisdom of those older and wiser than us. This is sound advice.

However, too often, we look for a “mentor” without having a clear idea of what that relationship should look like. I’m guilty of this too. If I know someone has skills or wisdom I need, how do I best ask and get that information from them?

Embedded in this thought process is a self-focused “me” attitude. I am only looking to get, not give. Part of this is true humility because I am painfully aware of my weaknesses and lack of experience/knowledge. On the other hand, it is much easier for me to go to a lunch and drill someone with a set of questions without ever pausing to really get to know them. It’s efficient (of my time and theirs), purposeful, and gives me a sense of accomplishment when I leave.

Still, when I think about the people who have meant the most to me and from whom I’ve learned the most, these two women immediately come to mind.

They have laughed, cried, and prayed with me and for me. Their perspective in my life is invaluable. Their age gives them a tranquility about crisis that is refreshing and calming. They have spent decades studying God’s Word and are able to exhort me in the kindest, most gentle manner. They have a gift for telling stories; grandkids, vacation, death, dinner plans, physical weakness, and dreams of the future all flow  through our conversations. In these conversations I’ve learned more about life, being a women, and myself than I could ever have with a pre-determined set of questions.

I rarely leave our conversations feeling like we accomplished “the agenda” and yet, I always leave feeling full in the deepest sense. They share hopes, fears, challenges, and praises with me and asked me to pray on their behalf. I’ve felt the weight of the responsibility of friendship not as a burden, but as a privilege. In the technical sense, I would consider these women mentors. They advise, cheer, support, and counsel me regularly. More than anything though, they are my friends and my life is better for it.

*As a disclaimer, I do not think mentors are bad and I know some relationships last for a specific season or a specific topic, but what if we actively sought to be good friends and not just good mentees?

If You Say You Are Pro-Life

Throughout history there are a few moments that truly changed the course of the world. The invention of the wheel, Pax Romana, and the declaration of the Magna Carta are a few such events.

In 1215, for the first time in history, a governed people demanded and assumed certain rights given to them by God, not the king.

562 years later, following this same logic, the founders of the United States of American declared independence and began a revolution that changed the understanding of government and human rights forever.

Life. Liberty. Pursuit of Happiness. To the founders, these ideals were unalienable – unable to be taken away or removed from the possessor. Most of us would say we support these ideals. We want healthy kids, social mobility, freedom of religion, choice, guns, and speech. Yet far too often, we want freedom when it works for us. We want liberty for us. We want life for us and those we care about.

If we say we are pro-life then we have to care for unborn lives. We cannot take away the life of a child because it is inconvenient for another person.

If we say we are pro-life then we have to care for the teen mothers,  mothers addicted to crack,  fathers dealing drugs and their children. We have to act on behalf of kids in foster care. We have to be willing to get messy, dirty, and hurt. Being pro-life means caring for all lives-including the ones we would rather not.

If we say we are pro-life then we have to care about the 14-year-old girl with an unwanted pregnancy. Should she abort the baby? Should she place her in foster care with a waiting list of over 200 needed families in one county in SC alone? Should she try to raise him herself? Should she go on welfare? What would you do?

If we say we are pro-life then we have to care for the immigrant and refugee. We have to welcome the refugees with open arms into our abundance. We have to be willing to lose so others will gain. Our fear cannot overpower our faith.

If we say we are pro-life then we have to care about black men incarcerated at a rate of 6x greater than white men. We have to fight against a penal system that seeks not justice, but punishment and often assumes guilt, not innocence.

If we say we are pro-life then we have to care about the child being bullied because he is gay. We must teach our children that to differ in opinion is not an excuse for violence, hatred, or separation. We are to defend those who cannot defend themselves; even when we disagree.

If we say we are pro-life then we must care about the men and women on death row. We cannot decry the killing of a life in one scenario and then celebrate it in another.

If we say we are pro-life then we must care for the weak, the poor, the immigrant, and the orphan. To do so means we will lose. We will lose strength supporting those weaker than us. We will lose money to provide for those poorer than us. We will lose resources to welcome an immigrant with merely the clothes on their back. We will lose sleep caring for children not our own.

If we say we are pro-life then our own lives should reflect our beliefs. In a world of political black and white, we must embrace the gray. Caring for life is never easy. It is most often inconvenient, disruptive, and difficult. There is little tangible reward, great pain and many unknown answers.

Caring for 6 month old twins in foster care is not easy, but it is good.
Bringing a teenage mother into your home is not convenient, but it is right.
Welcoming a refugee into your community is not glamorous, but it is merciful.

If we say we are pro-life then we can’t just yell and protest with friends. We can’t just vote for the guy who promises to make America great again or promises to bring us back to the good ol’ days (spoiler alert: taxes were a lot higher then). We must act in the unseen places; bedrooms at 2am to nurse a hungry child not our own, recovery centers where no instagram filter will make reality look better,  the housing projects alongside rats where the most recent immigrants are eking out life. It won’t be pretty, but it will be right.

 

Knowing Your Strengths (when everything changes)

Much like a athletes on a team, each person should know and use their strengths for the benefit of others.

Much like a athletes on a team, each person should know and use their strengths for the benefit of others.

Those of you in the business world or members of Grace Church are probably very familiar with Strengths Finder. I was first introduced to Strengths Finder as an intern at Grace Church in the Summer of 2010. The basic premise is that you should, as much as possible, operate out of your strengths rather than your weaknesses. Rather than focus on improving your weaknesses, the majority of your energy should be spent on maximizing your strengths.

As an athlete, this concept makes so much sense to me. We first learn the “basics” of a sport with everyone playing lots of positions. Then, as the work and skills required become more difficult, we specialize and maximize the specific talents of each individual on the team. Henry Ford’s assembly line manufacturing also took advantage of this principle. Still, it wasn’t until I was almost finished with college that I learned to think about it in terms of my personal and professional life.

I recently took the Strengths Finder test again for work and I was surprised to find 4/5 of my strengths have changed, probably reflective of my seasons of life. I’ve listed my strengths below. Learner was the only crossover (duh, I’m a nerd no matter the situation), but it moved from first to third.

2010 Strengths:

Learner
Achiever
Individualization
Developer
Discipline

2015 Strengths:

Strategic
Relator
Learner
Analytical
Command

Last week, we asked all of the Mill Community Ministry interns to take the test and then we shared our results with the group. We defined strengths as something when you do it, you feel strong. You may be good at it, but if it drains you and makes you weak then it may not be a strength.

Joey Espinosa led our conversation and we talked about how our strengths are to be used first for God’s glory and purposes and second to serve others. When we are aware of our strengths we can actively seek out ways to use them for God’s glory and others’ benefit while also finding people whose strengths match our weaknesses. Together, we are a complex masterpiece reflecting God’s image on humanity.

So what do we do when the game changes? We’re no longer a baseball player, but a soccer player. (You know I’m refraining from making a snide soccer>baseball comment!). Our previous strengths may not be as applicable or we may need other strengths. The risk of knowing too much though, is that we can use our strengths (or lack thereof) as an excuse. It’s not in my gifting, we say. I’m not called to do that; it’s not how God made me. Yet sometimes, we must serve and work outside our strengths knowing God is most present in our weaknesses.

For me, in my new job, this has included thinking a lot about the best way to grow Nasha Lending. The main part of my job is working with entrepreneurs to help them start their businesses, including connecting them to resources (personal and financial). Perhaps this is why strategic and relator are now busting through the top.

Now, more than ever, I’m thankful I have clarity about my strengths, community to bolster my weaknesses, and grace to cover all. After all, my greatest strengths are often also my greatest weaknesses.

Tell Your Story

person standing

My image is a conference room in a sterile office building.

When I think of an image, place, or person that has changed my life, my mind goes back to a conversation in a non-descript conference room when I was 17 years old.

Unbeknownst to me, I was being set up for a great surprise. At the time, I was a little frustrated, confused, and uncertain. I was there to “interview my Dad” about opportunities for high school students to shadow him. Really, I was there to receive a scholarship to a local university.

In the middle of the “interview” a man I didn’t recognize walked in and preceded to offer me a scholarship. I was still confused, but this time for a better reason!

Eventually, I decided to attend this particular university. Unbeknownst to me, it would be one of many decisions I made without realizing the full weight of my decision. Looking back, I see the significance and the opportunities that shifted because of my decision, but at the time it was a fairly neutral decision; do I want chocolate or vanilla ice cream, in-state school or out-of-state?

Today, I can say I would not be the same woman had a made a difference decision after the conference room conversation. My life, my friends, my job, and my passions have all been shaped by my decision. My future will always return to this point (as it does to all points in the past), but this image will always stand out.

For better or worse, my story is a part of me and it makes me who I am today. We all have a story, a moment, a person, or an event that has shaped us. It’s the image you think of when you’re asked What makes you who you are?

For me, the meeting in the office is one of several defining images-some good (like a scholarship) some not so good. Regardless, the good, the bad, and the ugly are all a part of a larger fabric of who we are becoming.

What’s your story? Why do you do what you do every day? How can you use your story to make an impact through your business or hobby for someone else?

The Struggle of Almost

rob-looking-up-at-mountainWe’re almost there.

I almost have a strict pull up.

We’re almost ready to compete.

I’m almost certain I know the answer.

I’m almost ready to buy a house.

The struggle of the almost. Right now, most of my life feels like almost. I haven’t yet arrived, but it seems close enough; at least close enough to keep me simultaneously frustrated and hopeful. My soccer team is almost ready to play with the big dogs. My reading goals are almost complete. I have almost attained a strict pull up. I’m almost ready to buy a house.

On good days, almost is encouraging. Almost reminds me how far I’ve come. Almost tells me these goals and dreams were big enough and worthy of pursuit.

On bad days, almost is hopeless. Almost reminds me I’m not there yet. Almost tells me I’ll never be good enough. Almost whispers and shouts my fears and inadequacies until I can’t take it anymore.

On good days and bad, almost focuses on me. How do I measure up? How am I performing? What skills and talents do I need to leverage? Who approves of me?

The lie of the almost is the belief that it ends. When we live our lives focused on ourselves and our strengths, weaknesses, accomplishments, and failures then we will never measure up. We will never arrive. We will never have all of the answers.

I think what I, and we, am chasing is shalom. The deep and abiding wholeness that can only come from God. Success, balance, and accomplishments are mere shadows of the rest and satisfaction resulting from satisfaction in God.

I love goals. I love achieving “things” and I will continue to set big goals for myself and work to achieve them. I would still go so far as to say I need goals to live a healthy life. However, I must be willing to live in the almost because I know that is where God reveals Himself abundantly sufficient. Though the sorrows may last for the night, joy comes in the almost. Or something like that.

Almost reminds me I am inadequate. I am weak. I do not measure up. God tells me he is sufficient. He is strong. He is perfect. My almost is his already done.

Success, Failure, and a New Perspective

20150202_163943Those of you who are regular readers may remember my post about my goals for the year. In addition to yearly goals, I also made smaller, monthly goals for myself. I started the year strong, making my bed every day in January and continuing the habit so far. February was a bust; my goal to solve a Rubik’s cube never got started. I still do not even own a Rubik’s cube. March was a mix. My goal was to memorize 3 sequential chapters of Scripture. I memorized 2, the first two chapters of the book of James.

Around the same time my church was starting a series on James and I’ve always loved the simplicity of James’ writing, even if the living it out part is a good bit more difficult, so memorizing the book seemed like an interesting way to engage with the sermon in a new way.

Memorizing the first chapter proved pretty easy, my brain was not yet stretched to capacity, but each set of new verses proved a little more difficult. I got a little discouraged when I realized my memorization wasn’t coming as easily, but then I was reminded why I’m doing this in the first place.

My motivation for memorizing Scripture is not to be merely a smarter sinner, but a more repentant believer. In challenging myself to memorizing Scripture I am giving myself set time each day to spend with God – a value infinitely more valuable than any rote memorization. Gaining this clarity made me OK with not memorizing all 3 chapters, even if the achiever side of me hates not finishing a task.

As a list maker, even my time with God can become part of my routine; merely a discipline instead of a relationship. I’m easily tempted to become a hearer and not a doer, just like James says. I can learn Scripture, quote it to help others, and never let it transform me. I need grace every day, even (especially) for my good deeds.

Don’t just be hearers of the word and so deceive yourselves, but be doers of the word also. James 1:22

7 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Graduated

F-30-fun forever.

F-30-fun forever.

Graduation season is fast approaching and soon thousands of teens and young twenties will be moving into a new phase to make their life on the world. I think I’ve now moved from the “recent grad” to the “real adult” category and I’m pretty sure that happened when I turned 25. So, for all you recent high school and college grads, here’s a few lessons I wish I knew before I entered the real world

  1. Save up for wedding gifts. If you have any friends at all, you should start saving now for wedding/shower/baby gifts. Seriously, even if you’re still in high school. Let’s say you’re invited to 2 showers and the wedding. That’s 3 gifts and you’ll probably spend a minimum of $2o on each. Triple all expenses if you’re in the wedding then double it again.
  2. Get a credit card. Yes, everyone tells you to stay away from credit cards. However, if you don’t have any credit to your name then you will have to put an extra deposit on things like utilities. Nothing like a surprise $200 payment to get your water turned on – not. The need for credit is one instance where doing it “right” doesn’t pay off. Sometimes you have to play the system to win the game. This is even more true when you go to buy a car and especially a house down the road.
  3. Hang pictures. I am notoriously late in hanging pictures and designing a space, especially if I know I won’t be there long. Don’t follow my example. A few pictures, fresh paint, and a rug make coming home from a long day at work a lot more refreshing. Take one weekend in the first month you move into a new place and paint and hang pictures – preferably in that order.
  4. Learn your rights as a renter. If you’re fresh out of college or high school, chances are you won’t be buying a house right away. There are great place, terrible places, and lots of places in between. As the saying goes, if it’s too good to be true then it probably is. However, between the scams and great locations are also lazy and/or incompetent landlords. You hope you have a good landlord, but it’s hard to know ahead of time. In these cases, it’s good to know your rights and be prepared to stick up for them if push comes to shove. I’ve had landlords try to get out of doing necessary repairs or reimbursing for expenses until I showed I clearly knew my rights.
  5. Local Church. Finding a local church can be one of the hardest aspects of moving to a new city. When I was a Senior in high school I decided to switch churches. Unintentionally, this gave me a chance to check out churches while still having the safety of a “fall back church.” When I moved to go to college, I had more confidence in my ability to find a church for me and I knew the kind of church I was looking for. If possible, start looking up churches online before you move and talking to people in the area. This will give you a leg up a potentially frustrating process.
  6. Student Loans. If at all possible, avoid large student loans. Your experience at college is largely what you make of it – big school, small school, in-state, out-of-state probably won’t make a huge difference in the long run. Paying for student loans for 30 years can seriously impact your quality of life for many years. Be willing to reconsider the dream for reality. Think long term, not just short term. Is the perfect college really worth $200,000 of debt when you graduate if you will likely be making less than $30,000 a year?
  7. Friendships. Going to college means living with your best friends for 4 years. Graduating college means navigating the adult world and trying to squeeze in Friends marathons while also working 9-5, grocery shopping, and working out. When I first graduated, I was frustrated with myself because I thought I wasn’t being a good friend if I didn’t hang out with my friends several times a week. I have since learned that adult friendships are different and being a good friend is as much about intentionality as quantity of time. Also, adult friendships take time. Gone are the days when you become instant besties over theme parties and 2am Waffle House runs. You will probably be a little lonely when you graduate college, but it does get better.

If you’ve graduated recently, what else would you add to the list?