I am a list maker. I love plans and organizing and systems. I am not rigid, per se, I love spontaneity when I can plan for it. Case in point: on a trip with friends around Europe (yes, I know that is probably the most cliche sentence a suburban white girl could say, but alas…) my friends and I planned out our time in each country for months beforehand, but get this – we planned for spontaneity. Yes, you read that right. Clearly I like control, order, and lists.
Imagine my surprise then when I read: “Will you go out without knowing?” this morning in My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers (Jan. 2). Well, obviously I had to keep reading. Chambers highlights the illogical nature of following God without knowing why, exactly – something that is very difficult for this logic and reason minded girl. I want to be able to give an answer, both to myself and others, for the reasons of my actions. Why did I go to school in South Carolina when I swore I would leave the state. Why did I quit playing soccer my senior year when it was so very much a part of who I was for so long? Why did I keep going back to the Ezer study when every fiber of my being screamed “RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!”?
Some of the decisions that have had the most impact on my life were made against my logic, my desires and my understanding; yet they are also the most beneficial, good, and healthy decisions that I have “made.”
Chambers asks: “Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do – He reveals to you who He is.” So often, a part of me whispers (OK, sometimes shouts) “I want more. I want to know.” Arrogant. Foolish. Seriously?!?! Clearly, Chambers is also a mind-reader because he soon countered my thoughts with the statement: “Believe God is always the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to Him. Then think of how unnecessary and disrespectful worry is!” Alrighty then, I think I can do that and you know, it makes sense – how did I not think of this before? So often I want to believe the worst about God (I don’t even want to touch the illogicalness (yes, that’s a word now) of that statement), but the reality is that God is MORE good, MORE gracious, MORE knowing, MORE wise, MORE powerful, etc. than I know even in my moments nearest to Him.
Will you go without knowing? Will I?
By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. (Hebrews 11:8)