Still Worth It?

Over the past few months my interest in adoption and fostering has grown tremendously*. As a result, I’ve been reading more first person accounts of the adoption process. I came across this article this morning from The Gospel Coalition and I would encourage you to read the full article here.

When all we knew of Lucy was four pictures, a video, and a limited medical file, the words “She’s worth it” flowed easily. Worth the paperwork, worth the adoption fees, worth whatever it would take to mean she was ours. My husband and I knew it would be hard, that it would change our family forever, but we emphatically claimed that she was worth it all.

Now that statement was being tested. 

Was she worth being separated from the rest of my family indefinitely? Was she worth the legal battles, the hours on the phone with congressmen, senators, and the State department? Was she worth the enormous stress? Read More

*I am running a marathon on October 25 in Greenville, SC to raise support for Astor. Astor is being adopted by my friends, Eric and Blythe. You can learn more about their adoption story(ies) on their blog or donate towards the cost of their adoption. You can also learn more about why I’m running here.


Overstuffed and Underwhelmed

I am still a little unnerved by the decision to share so many of my private thoughts on the internet for the world to read. It is a little disconcerting, though slightly intoxicating, to see that readers from all over the world have read my blog. It also makes me wonder how many of my real friends are reading – come on people, if readers in Afghanistan, Korea, Russia and Belarus can find me then SO CAN YOU!

Anyways, it is easy for me to trivialize or dumb down my understanding of who God is or what I am learning. I can use a little bit of humor and inappropriate sarcasm to deflect attention from the seriousness of it all. The reality is though, that God is HOLY. A fact that I would do well to remember and ponder. My girl, Paige Benton Brown said: “In each biblical episode, when we seek God, we find more than we want.” Ain’t that the truth.

I like to think that I always want more of God, but that just isn’t true. I’ve been in church long enough to say that I do, but when push comes to shove, I want more knowledge of God. I want to be a smarter sinner. I want to think, learn, and know. And if life change comes from that, great! If not, well at least I can win an argument… Unfortunately, this means that I am often overstuffed with knowledge, yet underwhelmed with God. Emotions aren’t really my thing, so it is challenging for me to worship with my emotions. For me to see emotions as a good thing. This means that it takes a lot for me to feel an emotion for/about/towards God.

I have a hard time right now understanding the love of God. I am starting to wrap my mind around the fact that He is holy and I am not. I am starting to feel the weight of my own sin, but then I get stopped short at wondering how a holy god can love? How is it not blasphemous for a holy God to even want to be in relationship with sinners? How is it not a defamation of character for God to send Jesus to die? How is that justice and not injustice?

“What makes the gospel is not the removal of obstacles [to joy], but joy once obstacles are removed as we behold the object of our joy [that is Christ]” – John Piper, TGCW12


That’s right. I just hash-tagged a title. Deal with it.

OK, so earlier I promised that my friend and I would blog at The Gospel Coalition Women’s Conference. Well, that didn’t exactly happen. We were too busy having our minds melted. If you follow me on twitter then you know that I was pretty much having my mind blown all weekend. We spotted Don Carson and Tim Keller before the conference started. I also have a girl crush on Paige Benton Brown. She pretty much rocked my world. No joke. SO, I will follow through on my blogging promise, sort of. I am going to try and write a blog on each plenary session, both to fulfill a promise and to make sure that I allow all of the teaching to sink in. You see, my girl Paige (yes, we’re that tight now) prayed that we would not just be smarter sinners after the conference, but that we would leave changed. Talk about knowing how to pray for nerds! As Nancy Leigh DeMoss said, good theology should lead to good doxology and transformation.

I apologize for the exaggerated hyperbole (From the Department of Redundancy Department).